a sweaty production


Seventy-Seven Killed as Fire Engulfs Crowded Movie Theater

photo by G.e.o.r.g.e.

photo by G.e.o.r.g.e.

  Tragedy struck the Fenugreek Theater in Shasta, Illinois last night when a fire broke out during a screening of The Revenant. Initial reports indicate shorted wiring in a vintage popcorn popper triggered the fire, which spread quickly throughout the theater which had just reopened after undergoing major renovations. While the theater was equipped with many conveniently located exits it appears that no warnings were given to the unfortunate moviegoers and ultimately they just ran out of time to escape.

  "The most tragic aspect of this horrible situation," lamented Shasta Fire Chief Barry Winder "is that if someone had just yelled 'FIRE!' most of those lives could have been saved. We try to drill it into people's heads that quick response equals best possible scenario. Our firefighters are constantly training and performing exercises in what we call the Rapid Orally Accelerated Response. To simplify it, when one initially becomes aware of an unexpected combustion event it is of first and foremost importance to cry out quickly and loudly 'FIRE!'. Especially in a crowded movie theater."

  The Fenugreek Theater released a statement this morning declaring that they would be switching to microwave popcorn when they re-reopen.

Weird O.